History Repeats Itself

I think its safe to say that i am totally not over him. Him as in the only guy i actually loved. And there goes the attempt to avoid being cliche. Look, i know i sound like a love struck little girl, because I'm only eighteen and i met him while in high school, but you gotta understand, i despised those kind of girls. Y'know, the ones that date the guy for a month and tell everyone, "oh, we're in love." not so in my case. William Alan Shue is his name. Will and I met in high school, like i said before, it was my freshman year and he was a senior. and honestly, for that entire year, we were "just friends"...who flirted and were jealous of each others dates. And then my sophomore year, i ran into him at walmart, and the feelings were still there so we exchanged numbers and got together i guess. And we've been on and off ever since. Mostly because we're so different and yet so alike. We argued a lot and would get frustrated and refuse to talk for months. But it took me two years before i could honestly say i loved him. He, on the other hand, practically worshiped me, always talking about getting married, having kids. He told me once he already thought of me as his wife. (it freaked me out.) But finally, about a year ago now, he actually proposed, and i said yes. Six months later, we had a nasty break up where he dumped me for another girl, who i think he might have been cheating on me with. But i dont know for sure. Anyway, what brought this up is, y'know those myspace truth boxes? well, he and i used to say things in those boxes where you just knew it was the other person, bc we knew each other that well. so, he and i havent talked for the past six months, but he posted something in my box. it was along the lines of "God damn it, girl, you are so hot." yeah, not exactly comforting. but it also means that he's been thinking about me. and it hurts, because i want him back so badly, but how can i take him back? i have spent months crying myself to sleep whenever i'm alone and i was finally starting to stop crying. and then he does this. My heart is aching.. :(