Power of Prayer.

Guys, i think you should be informed that Grandpa Larry's cancer is back. Keep him in your prayers. I am so scared. I love grandpa to pieces and he's always been a big influence in my life; so full of love and good memories. I want him around when i get all grown up, and do the grown up things like getting married, graduate college. we're too young to lose him too. And i know i'm gonna be praying about some other big things here coming up in my life. I'm trying to be brave through all the stress and pain, but all i want to do right now is break down and cry.

thinking aloud

so, i've moved apartments. and my new roommates are great to live with! they're always so sweet and neat and fun, but i dont feel the connection i did before. maybe its just me closing myself off again. but they're all in there talking about boys and their complications, and all i can think is: i can't relate. i'm not even trying here. my heart isn't ready, and in provo you dont get a lot of nic-mo's. or at least i don't. apparently i dont seem like the type. (lol i'm a type?!) but i'm young and i've got a lot of life left to live. i need to reach out and try to connect with people. i dont know why but i feel like that part of my brain is shut down right now. or has been for kind of a while. i have a hard time with small talk too. i am so sick of "where you from?" "what's your major" "what color is your toothbrush?". why can't anyone just be like, "you're cute. take me on a date." end of story. or "hi. my name is so-and-so. how's life?" fantastic is the boring ever present answer to that, btw. ahhh! provo, quit being a bubble and let me have a breath of fresh air, some normal people. please!!

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there is so much i wanted to say, but i find myself unable to say what it is i am truly thinking.