Odd Predicaments

Boys can be extremely confusing; or so I am learning. I thought I already learned my lessons in this category but apparently nothing I've already suffered through with suffice. So you men out there reading this (not that there really are any that i know of) why are you so confusing? Why must I break the hearts of the ones that aren't for me, but have my own torn to shreds by the ones I adore? Why do I always make friends with girls who are much more beautiful than I am? I wonder if I actually get off on the jealousy. I stick around people for their benefit, not because I dont want to do things myself. I've had places to go and people to see for a while, but I opt to staying around the people who seem like they need me the most at the moment or around the people i want to get to know better. And I feel like people dont see me as a single identity; which I am, and I have. Its hard to be alone, I admit, I dont like feeling lonely, but I'm being driven to the point that I feel as though I might have to push everyone else away just to prove how strong I really am. But I don't want that to be the option. But essentially; right now; I'm frustrated. Maybe I'm  just being hormonal and need to take a step back and look at everything, but I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. Or there are definite moments where I feel totally awkward, because I feel like something else should be happening, but it isn't. Gahhh!!

One More Sleepless Night

Just add it to the list, I guess. Things have been crazy lately! So many adventurous things have happened to me. I'm not sure what to think at this point, and I'm nervous but excited to see how everything plays out. I have a good feeling about most of the things that are happening to me, but it still feels like i'm being bombarded all at once, so I'm still in the shock zone. Literally; eyes wide open, jaw agape, saying, "Whhhooooaaaaaaa..." So I just keep breathing and taking everything in, awestruck, and i'll let you all know when everything puts itself together in my life. but for now, I'm sleepless, no appetite, and kind of drifting in my dream state. Heck, i've been barely playing my music (i hear your gasps, people.). But we'll see. :)