Odd Predicaments

Boys can be extremely confusing; or so I am learning. I thought I already learned my lessons in this category but apparently nothing I've already suffered through with suffice. So you men out there reading this (not that there really are any that i know of) why are you so confusing? Why must I break the hearts of the ones that aren't for me, but have my own torn to shreds by the ones I adore? Why do I always make friends with girls who are much more beautiful than I am? I wonder if I actually get off on the jealousy. I stick around people for their benefit, not because I dont want to do things myself. I've had places to go and people to see for a while, but I opt to staying around the people who seem like they need me the most at the moment or around the people i want to get to know better. And I feel like people dont see me as a single identity; which I am, and I have. Its hard to be alone, I admit, I dont like feeling lonely, but I'm being driven to the point that I feel as though I might have to push everyone else away just to prove how strong I really am. But I don't want that to be the option. But essentially; right now; I'm frustrated. Maybe I'm  just being hormonal and need to take a step back and look at everything, but I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. Or there are definite moments where I feel totally awkward, because I feel like something else should be happening, but it isn't. Gahhh!!