Black Hole

i've had lots of time to think and reflect the past few days, as i've been attempting to recover from a temporary illness, and i find myself so sad, and empty. I dont miss the people i thought i missed, nor am i craving someone to love me, but i still feel like... like there is something missing for me. renee and i had a discussion, what feels like a very long time ago, is that there IS something missing, that i have a tendency to try to bandage the big hole inside of me, by using people and pulling them closer to me, but it is insufficient. but what i want to know is why. why is it there? what caused me to be this way? and why am i suddenly incapable of reaching out to others to become emotionally close...like i'm just letting the space get bigger. i find myself reaching for the lord for peace, and i find it, but the hole is still there. like i am an incomplete person. the question is : who is the other part of me?? who am i? why am i in pieces...