Foaming at the Mouth

I am seriously seething with emotions and thoughts. I feel angry, yet content. Happy, yet sad; rebellious, but patient. I feel like i'm full of so many unreasonable contradictions. I went back to colorado last week, seeking peace, or at least a break from reality, and during that trip, i realized i love my life the way it is. I like my job, i adore my roommates, i have good friends, and my heart is in the right place. I also realized that i'm seeking to hang on to the past. i wish for my man back, and for my friends not to change, for life back home to never change, but honestly? live should not be lived that way. i need to let go, in order to continue moving forward. lol but the irony of it all, is that the way i'm going with my life, was never something i planned on. i should be in new york, or planning my future with he-whose-name-i-can't-speak. i never dreamed i would be working and saving in utah, planning FHE lessons, and perfecting my cooking techniques. how did i get here?