A Drop In the Ocean

I feel like many of the things I'm doing right now are just killing time. I am just waiting to be able to leave, to move up to Idaho(for school, obviously) and its now like, the things that I've been working so hard for mean nothing as of the fact they're about to end. And I feel bored. I don't see the point in trying so hard at work, because in a few weeks, it won't matter anymore. And I don't try to build more friendships here, or take the ones i have to a higher level, since I'll be gone in a matter of time. Everything has an expiration date. And I feel like its all going slightly rotten anyway. But I am excited for the prospects of moving away. I'm excited to take classes, and have a new job, live in a new place. I feel like the next era of my life is finally beginning, and its going to be amazing.

New Day, New Year, New Life

Everything is changing, and so far it seems for the better. I got my official promotion at Brick Oven. I am now joint manager with Brandon over the Delivery department in the Provo store. Once they've decided I'm settled enough, I'll take over completely. Also when they can actually afford to pay me. Yeah, thats exactly what they told me. But I like it so far. I like my day shifts, and I like making the schedule, and I like being da boss woman. I'm also waiting to hear back from my BYU applications; they should email me during the next few weeks. Let me tell ya, the anxiety is killing me!! I am praying like crazy to get in, and to find a way to afford it. But I really am excited, and I have a good feeling about this. Like, I'm doing the things that are right. Bekah is living up here in Provo with me; well, next door actually, but its good to have her here. Family is so very important. I miss Colorado though. The sun doesn't shine very much here in Provo; its always too cloudy. And its just cold. No snow, no real winter signs. Its just plain old cold. But hey, I have good friends, a good hot cocoa recipe, and a cozy little apartment. Therefore life is good. Oh! PS-- my roommate Cristina is having me be a bridesmaid in her wedding! I am one of two. Its quite flattering. :) But tonight we're starting tanning so that we can all be tan for her wedding....lol who'd have thought that i would ever fake bake? But tan I shall be. Love you all!

Wide Open Spaces

I feel like I'm dying, trapped here in my float-y bubble otherwise known as Provo. I need the big, open fields like the ones i grew up in; room to run when when i want to run; trees to climb, places to just sit and admire the beauty of this world. But instead, i look at these dreary buildings, all crammed together, and i know the open space is just far enough that i couldn't go on my own. I'm even sick of being next to the mountains. And I love mountains. But i just need open space. Prairie. I haven't picked up my camera since i moved here; because nothing moves me to beauty. The people here are truly amazing, however naive they may be, they are genuine, and seek to follow God. For the most part anyway. But i think if i hear another girl talk about how she wants to find a husband, or talk wedding ceremonies, i might just scream. I need deeper intellect and can"t stand all this waiting to start school. And partially its my own fault. And i know it. but my resources are limited and as my work hours are cut, there just aren't enough things to fill my time. I get stir-crazy, and i'm feeling the need to roam. I need a car, I think. So i can just drive. Just get the heck outta here. I dont feel like taking anyone with me. Don't get me wrong, there are so many friends here that i love and adore, and they are so willing to help with whatever i ask, but i feel like i need my space. so thats what this all boils down to: I need my wide open spaces. I need the open prairie where i can see for miles, where snow falls down unabashedly, and the sky is so blue and beautiful it makes me wanna cry.

Odd Predicaments

Boys can be extremely confusing; or so I am learning. I thought I already learned my lessons in this category but apparently nothing I've already suffered through with suffice. So you men out there reading this (not that there really are any that i know of) why are you so confusing? Why must I break the hearts of the ones that aren't for me, but have my own torn to shreds by the ones I adore? Why do I always make friends with girls who are much more beautiful than I am? I wonder if I actually get off on the jealousy. I stick around people for their benefit, not because I dont want to do things myself. I've had places to go and people to see for a while, but I opt to staying around the people who seem like they need me the most at the moment or around the people i want to get to know better. And I feel like people dont see me as a single identity; which I am, and I have. Its hard to be alone, I admit, I dont like feeling lonely, but I'm being driven to the point that I feel as though I might have to push everyone else away just to prove how strong I really am. But I don't want that to be the option. But essentially; right now; I'm frustrated. Maybe I'm  just being hormonal and need to take a step back and look at everything, but I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. Or there are definite moments where I feel totally awkward, because I feel like something else should be happening, but it isn't. Gahhh!!

One More Sleepless Night

Just add it to the list, I guess. Things have been crazy lately! So many adventurous things have happened to me. I'm not sure what to think at this point, and I'm nervous but excited to see how everything plays out. I have a good feeling about most of the things that are happening to me, but it still feels like i'm being bombarded all at once, so I'm still in the shock zone. Literally; eyes wide open, jaw agape, saying, "Whhhooooaaaaaaa..." So I just keep breathing and taking everything in, awestruck, and i'll let you all know when everything puts itself together in my life. but for now, I'm sleepless, no appetite, and kind of drifting in my dream state. Heck, i've been barely playing my music (i hear your gasps, people.). But we'll see. :)

Just a Heads Up

I started a second blog, for the record keeping of all my house-keeping related adventures. Its gonna be either really nerdy or absolutely hilarious, so you should follow it. http://sarahliciousapplegate.blogspot.com/. Its gonna be great, i promise. :)

And the World Spins Madly On

I took a week long trip back home and i guess i haven't really adjusted back to Provo life yet. I still miss my family (lots!) and i keep waking up with the sun but i'm staying up way too late because this is a college town after all and there is too many things for me to do at night. But as of the fact last weekend was the fourth of July weekend, i've been out and about enjoying summer and being very social. Work is harder now that the weather is heating up and there are too many other places i'd rather be. But i am where i need to be right now. I'm still worried about Grandpa, especially since i last called him on the phone. He says not to worry, but for me that's like telling water not to be wet. I can't help it. But the sunshine is beautiful, i love reading the new Kindle mom and dad got me for my birthday, and life is full of good people. :) Anyway, thats just my latest update. This is life and it just keeps going. :)